Global Journal of Human Social Science, C: Sociology and Culture, Volume 23 Issue 3

I think I found myself uncomfortable around men and boys. I think it’s cultural, partially, because when I was growing [up] I didn’t have that many guy friends. If I sat next to [a boy] my mom would make such a big deal out of it. For many, being away from home for the first time allowed them the mental space to explore identity and the opportunity to meet others like them. Julie (Chinese American, age 23) said: I didn’t really think I was bisexual until I got into college because I’ve always had crushes on girls before, but usually my relationships are with guys, and I didn’t really know that liking girls was a thing that I could have an opportunity to have. Yvonne (Black, age 26) began acknowledging her sexual identity in high school but: It wasn’t ‘til graduate school that I started to explore it, and think about it … and how does that fit into who I am? Before it was just ignore, ignore, ignore. What changed for me was meeting another graduate student who also identified as bisexual. That helped me get to the point where I was like okay, I’m bisexual, and that’s okay. Ashley (Indian American, age 22) felt getting away from her family allowed her to have …my thoughts to myself. It was like a huge thing, and I honestly think that’s what really made me think about self- discovery and who I am. All the things that actually interest me and what am I doing that I don’t really like . In coming to college Ashley encountered “so many different types of people, so I found my place. That’s when I could identify and define who I am ‘cause I can find people that are similar to me.” ii. Testing the Waters In addition to recognizing attractions to certain genders, the women noted experiencing sexual and romantic relationships with others as being integral to their sexual identity formation. For some this was needed to confirm their attraction to more than one gender. For example, Emma (biracial, age 28) explained: I think wanting to explore that with my friend was confirming whether or not I was gay or bisexual, because there was attraction, but he also had some feminine qualities…I felt like I needed to create that space in order to explore, to understand myself better. Felicia (biracial, age 33) said, “… and then my senior year of high school I met my first androgynous woman (laughs) and, yeah, you know, she was my first ‘I love you’ and everything.” She had “other experiences through the years” that shaped and confirmed her bisexual identity. Amy (Chinese American, age 23) also described her first relationship with a woman and the ways in which it was formative in discovering her sexual orientation: “I’ve probably known this about myself for a very long time, but I don’t think I really solidified that part of my identity until I actually dated a girl last year.” Many women discussed the racial/ethnic- and gender-related challenges associated with being able to date and explore relationships as bisexual women of color. This revolved around both identities for Cassie (Black, age 20), who explained: Most Black girls didn’t date White guys and I didn’t have any Black guys in my class. Even Black girls, I had like one, which was my best friend, so I didn’t see her like that. I just didn’t have that many people in high school who I saw as a potential partner. Emma (biracial, age 28) felt that her dating choices tied into preferences around gender expectations and skin tone. She noted that “Black men being primarily attracted to light skinned [women]” was one observation that made her reflect on who she saw as a potential partner. She went on to explain, “I’ve tried to consciously not like feed into those biases. I’ll consciously date women that I otherwise wouldn’t be typically attracted to because I realize that’s my conditioning happening.” Lastly, Sue (Indian American, age 20), discussed the limitations to dating at all and said, “So I have never been in one [a relationship] because I’m technically not allowed to, so culturally we’re not supposed to date. My mom said not until med school. I’m gonna be so old.” iii. Reconciling Religion and Religious Beliefs with Bisexuality Many women struggled with identifying as members of both the LGBTQ+ and religious communities . Many were aware that their feelings for women went against what they had been taught was appropriate. Felicia (biracial, age 33) had difficulty fitting her bisexual orientation into her Black Southern Baptist religion: My family was ultra-religious, like as much as you can get. I was a minister’s daughter, …so in their minds it’s [non- heterosexual attraction] linked with every single bad sexual thing that could be out there – sexual abuse, pedophilia, anything. I spent hours every day sometimes just praying to God, please stop making me look at women. Looking back, I think it is kind of hilarious but, yeah, it was pretty distressing then. Eventually, Felicia abandoned religion all together and explained how her first significant relationship precipitated that rejection: [It] involved a lot of shame. I felt like wow, this is an amazing, intelligent, kind person, and people in my religion looked at her and thought disgusting, worthless. And I thought, if they really knew me, they would think I was that too, and so that was part of the shift to not being religious. Similarly, Emma (biracial, age 28) tried to reconcile religious beliefs, but she eventually rejected her Black Southern Baptist upbringing: Why does me having feelings for a woman make me a sin or a shame? It feels in my heart like it’s pure, and Jesus said love everyone, so why are you condemning me? So, there © 2023 Global Journals Volume XXIII Issue III Version I 20 ( ) Global Journal of Human Social Science - Year 2023 C “The In-Between Spaces of Those Labels”: Exploring the Challenges and Positives of Being a Bisexual Woman of Color