Global Journal of Human Social Science, G: Linguistics and Education, Volume 23 Issue 3

I wrote in my post-reflexive journal at the beginning and throughout the duration of the study. I wrote an initial post-reflexive statement that explained the beliefs, histories, and theories that framed my perspectives as a woman who loves women. I used my post-reflexive journal as a data source. My post- reflexive journal entries allowed me to uncover my bias and prejudices as I moved through the research process. The entries in my post-reflexive journal contained wonderings, assumptions, bottom-line, and moments when I was shocked. These entries were a source of data as they helped to examine how I was framing what I was seeing. 4. Read and write your way through your data in a systematic, responsive manner. I read and wrote my way through the data in a systematic manner to capture tentative manifestations of the phenomenon of how societal homonegativity shapes the lived experiences of Tracy, a young woman who loves women in Jamaica. I explored this phenomenon in its varied, partial, and fleeting ways. I adhered to this process at the time of data analysis by using two types of systematic analysis to make meaning of the data that I collected. The analyses that I used were collective memory work (Haug, 1987) and thinking with theory (Jackson and Mazzei, 2012). 5. Craft a text that captures tentative manifestations of the phenomenon and its multiple, partial, and varied contexts. I used traditional and non-traditional types of writing to show how the phenomenon of women who love women in Jamaica is lived out in multiple ways. For non-traditional forms of writing, I used stories, song lyrics, and poems to capture glimpses of the phenomenon. I hope I write in such a manner that allows the readers to get a vivid image of Tracy’s, my participant’s, intentional relationship with the phenomenon. IV. R esults The data collected showed tentative manifestations of the phenomena - how does societal homonegativity shape the lived experiences of Tracy, a young woman who identifies as a woman who loves women. I asked Tracy to zoom in and write about a moment when she had to hide her love for women. Below is Tracy’s written memory. One specific moment when I had to hide my love for women was when I was much younger... just left college and my now ex-boyfriend and I we're having problems...he's someone my mom loved a lot and I think it's because he was the reason she thought I was not gay as she later revealed that same day. I came to her and my sister to talk about the issues I was having with my now ex-boyfriend and we all had a good conversation about it and laughed and I made a comment to my mom saying "know you not gonna say nothing bad about him" to which she replied "no don't say that... if he is wrong, he is wrong, but I do love seeing you with that boy because for a long time I thought you were gonna be a lesbian" and my sister joined in and agreed that she too thought I was gonna be a lesbian. For a moment I just stopped and looked at them in complete shock and as I was about to take brave heart and say so what if I am...my mom just gave out "mi nuh want nuh homosexuals or HIV people around mi" and I can’t forget how disgusted she looked as she said it... I had to pause then burst out into laughing and try not to look guilty by saying to them that I'm not into those things I'm just a tomboy because I grew up rough with all the boys. At that point I realized that telling my family how I felt about women emotionally and sexually is gonna be a real challenge. i. Fear Fear was one phenomenon that tentatively manifested in Tracy’s memory. After Tracy’s mom and sister told her that they thought she was a lesbian, she wrote, “I was about to take brave heart and say so what if I am…” This showed that Tracy was afraid of telling her mom and her sister that she is a woman who loves women. The phrase “take brave heart” could mean that Tracy was trying to be brave at the moment; however, she could not muster the courage to tell her mom and her sister that she is a woman who loves women. In Tracy’s story, she was not the only one who showed fear; her mom and sister showed signs of fear. Tracy’s fear was telling her mom and her sister that she is a woman who loves women. Her mom and her sister feared that Tracy is a woman who loves women. This was evident in the story when Tracy wrote that her mom loved her ex-boyfriend a lot “...because he was the reason she thought I was not gay.” Later in the story, Tracy quoted her mom, who stated, “I do love seeing you with that guy; for a long time, I thought you were gonna be a lesbian.” At that moment in the story, Tracy’s sister joined in the conversation and stated that she, too, thought that Tracy would be a lesbian. In the story, the mom and the sister expressed a sense of fear for Tracy being a lesbian. The mom even went so far as to say, “me nuh wan nuh homosexual and HIV people around mi.” In this sentence, the mom showed fear of homosexuals because she associates homosexuality with a disease (HIV). Homosexuality is closely linked with HIV, which is a disease that Tracy’s mom feared. ii. Care Care manifested in Tracy’s written memory. In Tracy’s written memory, care was evident in the way she interacted with her mom and her sister. Care was noticeable in the story when Tracy went to her mom and her sister to talk about the problems she was having with her ex-boyfriend. Tracy wrote, “I came to her and my sister to talk about the issues I was having with my now ex-boyfriend, and we all had a good conversation about it and laughed…” The interaction between Tracy, her mom, and her sister revealed they cared about each other. Tracy probably knew that her mom and her sister Volume XXIII Issue III Version I 44 ( ) Global Journal of Human Social Science - Year 2023 G © 2023 Global Journals A Post-Intentional Phenomenological Study of a Queer Identified Youth in Jamaica