Global Journal of Human Social Science, G: Linguistics and Education, Volume 23 Issue 3

would care to hear about her problems; therefore, she went to them and discussed her issues with them. As the story continued, Tracy cared what her mom had to say about her ex-boyfriend. After she explained everything the ex-boyfriend did to her, she cared about the mom’s opinion of the ex-boyfriend. Therefore, she asked her mom, “know you not gonna say nothing bad about him?” The mom responded that she cared that Tracy had a boyfriend. And she cared about what people would think of Tracy if Tracy did not have a boyfriend. The mom showed this by stating, “If he (the boyfriend) is wrong, he is wrong, but I do love seeing you with that boy because, for a long time, I thought you were gonna be a lesbian.” Tracy’s mom showed that she cared that Tracy was involved with someone from the opposite sex. She cared about what people might think about Tracy if she did not have a boyfriend. She cared for Tracy because she did not want Tracy to be thought of as a woman who loves women. Toward the end of the story, Tracy indicated that she cared for her family. She tried to ease their thoughts that she was a woman who loves women. Tracy thought of telling her mom and sister that she was a woman-who-loves-women. However, when Tracy heard her mom’s comments and saw the disgust on her mom’s face regarding women-who-love-women, she decided not to tell her mom and her sister the truth. Instead of telling them the truth and hurting their feelings, she wrote, “I burst out laughing and tried not to look guilty by saying to them that I'm not into those things.” This line indicated that Tracy cared for her mom and her sister and would rather deny a part of her identity than tell them the truth about her sexual orientation. iii. Hopefulness and Wishful-thinking Hopefulness and wishing manifested in Tracy’s written memory. In Tracy’s written memory, hopefulness was evident several times throughout her story. At the beginning of her story, she wrote about a time when she had a problem with her now ex-boyfriend, and she went to discuss this matter with her mother and her sister. Tracy hoped that her mom and her sister would see that her boyfriend was at fault. After she explained the problems she was having with her now ex-boyfriend, she asked her mom, “now you not going to say anything bad about him?” Tracy’s questions could be translated as, “after hearing all that I just explained to you, aren’t you going to say something bad about him?” This question that Tracy posed to her mom expressed a form of hopefulness and wishing on Tracy’s part. Tracy hoped that her mom would say something bad about her now ex-boyfriend after she explained the issues she had with him. Tracy’s mom’s reply to Tracy’s question was also hopeful. The mom explained to Tracy that if the boy is wrong, he is. However, she added, “I do love seeing you with that guy because, for a long time, I thought you were gonna be a lesbian.” This response from the mom expressed hopefulness and wishful thinking. She hoped that Tracy would be with the boy because she hoped that Tracy was not a lesbian. Seeing Tracy with the boy made her hopeful. After Tracy heard her mom’s comment, she hoped that she could have said something to her mom and sister at this moment. She stated, “For a moment, I just stopped and looked at them in complete shock, and I was about to take braveheart and say so what if I am…” This sentence showed that Tracy wished she could have said something at this point in the conversation. However, this was wishful thinking on Tracy’s part. She hoped that she could have told her mom that she was a woman that loved women, but she wrote that she was not brave enough to do this. Toward the end of the story, Tracy’s mom expressed her hope that Tracy was not a woman that loves women when she stated, “mi nuh want nuh homosexual or HIV people around mi.” These words of the mom showed that she hoped Tracy was not a woman who loves women. She expressed that she does not want any homosexual or HIV people around her. She hoped that Tracy would take her seriously when she expressed her thoughts and her feelings about people who are involved in same-sex relationships. Tracy explained in her story that she would never forget the disgust on her mom’s face when she commented on homosexual and HIV people. Tracy’s mom might hope that Tracy would never forget the conversation and her philosophy on same-sex relationships. On the other hand, Tracy might wish to forget the disgust on her mom’s face and the conversation. At the end of her story, Tracy stated that her conversation with her mom and sister made her realize that telling her family about how she “felt about women emotionally and sexually is gonna be a real challenge.” This showed that Tracy hoped she could have told her family how she felt about women. She wished that it would not have to be a challenge to tell her family how she felt about women. iv. Diseased Diseased manifested in Tracy’s written memories. Women who love women in Jamaica were perceived as diseased in Tracy’s written memory. Tracy’s mom expressed her disgust for people who engaged in same-sex relationships. Her mom told her that she does not want to be around anyone who is in such a relationship. Her mom stated, "mi nuh want nuh homosexuals or HIV people around mi." This sentence showed that Tracy’s mom equates people in same-sex relationships to people with deadly diseases. Here homosexuals are perceived as people who are diseased. © 2023 Global Journals Volume XXIII Issue III Version I 45 ( ) Global Journal of Human Social Science - Year 2023 G A Post-Intentional Phenomenological Study of a Queer Identified Youth in Jamaica